Improving Toddler Bedtime Stalling

“My kid is a pro at stalling during bedtime!”

Does this sound familiar? It probably does. This is a common problem for parents of toddlers 3 to 5 years old. One of my favorite phrases to say to these parents is “if you give them an inch, they take 100 miles!” And it’s true! 

So, the big question is, how do we combat these stalling efforts and get our kiddos to sleep at an appropriate time? For most families, it is as easy as changing up a few parenting methods. One of the go-to methods I recommend to families with toddlers is the combined use of family meetings, sleep rules, and reward charts. 

This all sounds so cheesy and simple, right? But we must think about who our “target audience” is- a 3 to 5-year-old! We must meet our children where they are developmentally and work our methods around them. With that said, let’s dig a little deeper into the parts of my recommendation. 

The Family Meeting

For starters, don’t think of this as a boring meeting that you have at work. It doesn’t have to be, and you should think of creative ways to keep your kiddo engaged. Make sure that everyone is present and involved in the family meeting. Ideally, you would have this meeting in the morning or mid-afternoon before you start to implement any sleep plans or the use of sleep rules or reward charts. Bring crafting supplies and make posters for your family sleep rules and create/decorate a rewards chart. 

Sleep Rules

During the meeting, you will, as a whole family, decide on your family’s sleep rules. Here are some examples:

“Stevie will be in bed with lights out by 7 P.M.”

“Stevie will stay in bed all night.”

“Stevie will not come out of the room until 7 A.M.”

Keep these rules simple and easy for your child to understand and follow. You can also take this opportunity to set some goals for yourselves to be in bed earlier!

Once you are done setting the rules, it is important to create logical rewards and consequences for following the rules and breaking the rules. What do I mean by “logical consequences”? It is important that your child not be bribed to stay in bed, so you want to use simple phrases that make the point that sleep is important. For example:

“If Stevie gets up in the middle of the night and wakes mom/dad, we will all be too tired to go to the park tomorrow”. 

This kind of phrasing ties sleep into the consequence. However, you want to be sure not to say “If you wake me up, we won’t go to the park tomorrow”. This is more like a bribe and doesn’t drive home the message that sleep is important. 

Rewards Chart

During the family meeting, you want to discuss the rewards for following the family sleep rules. A helpful tool to use to help your toddler earn rewards is a ladder rewards chart. This type of chart requires the child to follow the rules so many consecutive nights before earning a reward. If they break the rules, they move backward on the chart. If they follow the rules, they move forward on the chart. 

Stumped on ideas for a rewards chart? Check out my FREE Toddler Sleep Rewards Chart here! Download it, print it, and have your child help color and decorate it to personalize it and make it special to them!  

Another awesome tool that parents can pair with the rewards chart is the bedtime pass (there is one also included in my free download above). A bedtime pass would be given to the child during the bedtime routine every night. This pass is like a coupon for an extra hug, a sip of water, a trip to the bathroom, or one last tuck in. Just one. Once the pass is used, then the child could face consequences for breaking the sleep rules. Some parents take this a step further and print out several passes. If their child manages to not use their passes and saves so many, they get a reward! 

The key to success with reward charts and bedtime passes is consistency. If your child follows the rules, you must reward them either by moving them forward on the reward chart or getting them the big reward they have earned. If your child breaks the rules, you must follow through with the consequences. That means they move backward on their chart or they miss a playdate because “our bodies are too tired”. If you set the rule and make a consequence for not following it, you must follow through with the consequence. If the child comes out for one more thing, you must take back the bedtime pass. This is all about setting clear expectations for your child and taking back control of bedtime and nighttime by using rewards that excite and consequences that teach. 

If you remember anything about this, remember that consistency is most important  because it helps our children feel safe and secure, and it builds their trust in us. 

Read that again, and again. 

NOTE: Family meetings, sleep rules, reward charts, and bedtime passes are all great tools to use while working to get a toddler to sleep, but they are only part of a bigger picture. Their use alone is successful for some families, but most families will see better and quicker results by pairing the use of the tools with sleep training methods and support from a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant- which I happen to be! So, if this all seems daunting to you, check out my Baby & Toddler Packages page and get booked with me today.